[Did it help? This is hard. He knows so many of Leo's tells, but the context makes it harder to navigate. Sensei never broke down and shared his traumas. They'd shattered and cried together, when Raph died, when Uncle Tello died, when Raph died again. The three of them, together with Master Michelangelo. But this wasn't it. He doesn't have this cheat sheet. He is at once unqualified and one of the most qualified. It's a little infuriating.
He wants to help so badly, the hard part is getting Leo to accept it. It doesn't... feel like enough.]
[Leo sits quietly for a long minute. Just thinking. Feeling his own ninpo out. Feeling the bouncing electric static of his soul and heart coursing wildly through his veins trying to reach conduits not available to him - his father, Mikey, April - that go nowhere.
Doing it his way nearly got them all killed. Doing it his way caused so much death and pain.
Leo thinks back to the rooftop, how brighter everything seemed in that moment of epiphany he'd had.]
Okay... [He starts it unsure. Like he isn't sure he's doing the right thing, but wants to try.] Then... what do you think?
[Some of the tension leaves Casey's shoulders, though not all, as the question itself remains. If Leo had asked for another spar, he'd have done it; at this point he'd do just about anything Leo asked of him, bar one. His heart wouldn't be in it, though, and he doubts it would have satisfied either of them.
What does he think. That is a darn good question. He feels so far out of his league, a flag drifting wildly through an storm with no visible beginning or end. He doesn't feel equipped for this, but no amount of doubts could drag him from Leo's side right now. If they stop now to find someone else more capable, he's not sure when (or if) Leo could be coaxed to open up again. Especially if this has taken a year already.
Rather than answering directly, he holds both of his hands out to Leo, palms up, an invitation and a request, both.]
[Leo wipes at any lingering wetness on his face and cheeks, ignoring the damp edge of his mask. But with no response, he turns to look at Casey and sees the offer. His eyes focus on Casey's hands, then back up to his face before turning to fully face Casey and sit seiza.]
You... wanna dance? [He has no idea really. So smart and yet. Still, Leo rests his hands in Casey's for now, not sure what to expect.]
You're such an ass, [is Casey's retort, without an ounce of venom (maybe a slice of exasperation, affection-tinged). Leo's unlocked something in him, a feral cat that won't return to its cage now. The sensei scales are gone from his eyes.
His fingers curl around Leo's, and he closes his eyes, thinking. Thinking what.]
...You know... in the future, Master Michelangelo became a real philosopher. Sensei would go to Raph for strategy, he'd go to Donnie for making the plan happen, and he went to Mikey to make peace with his decisions. They'd sit like this, talk, and breathe together. And Master Michelangelo would remind him it was worth it. He was the only one that sensei could sit still for.
[He opens his eyes, brows furrowed, and focuses on Leo.]
We both know you're going to keep missing them. Until they're here or you're home, that's how it is. And nothing can undo what happened, not even time travel. [His continued existence alone proves that.] I think... you need to make peace with your decisions.
[He has to stop himself from saying out loud: "Did your sensei teach you language like that too? I bet he did." No, focus on what he's saying now. This is important to Casey, which means probably important to everyone around him too.
And he does listen. And all of that makes sense. Especially knowing that... probably they all started falling one by one. Casey had said Master Michelangelo had sent Casey back in time, which meant Michelangelo was last man standing besides Leonardo. His future self probably sat with Michelangelo a lot in those last ...months? Years? He doesn't know. He's not going to ask Casey those kinds of details. His heart aches enough.
Leo stares down at their hands held between them.]
Yeah. You're probably right. [But how does a sixteen- No. Seventeen. He'd been away from home long enough to pass his birthday. How had they missed that? - year old make peace with a childish mistake costing thousands their lives?] How would I even start?
[It's not a question easily answered, though Casey wishes it was. He wishes his Mikey was here. He'd be able to tell Leo exactly what to do, surely. After all, he'd helped sensei manage his own guilt. How many times had a plan gone wrong? How many times had he ordered entire groups of people out to die? So often it had been pointless. So often they gained no ground, or even lost some. To make peace with it was to know that giving up would be worse, that everyone was trying their best, that you can only mourn the dead and learn from the loss and keep fighting. He pulled his circle closer to him, and he never gave up. Even after losing everything.]
This is the start. [To share it. To speak it aloud. He's no counsellor or philosopher but he knows that much. He's felt it, the peace that settled over him after sharing his secret with Rue weeks ago.] Why did you ask me here?
[That's the part that confused him. He wants to know Leo's thoughts on their purpose here- it's an aspect of the starting place. It feels important.]
[Leo wasn't really sure what he'd ultimately planned coming out here. Maybe sparring, maybe just... feeling his ninpo and relaxing knowing he can use his powers again. Having a breakdown wasn't exactly in his game plan for this, but he'd accounted for it given how important and integral the family ninpo is.]
...I wanted someone familiar enough to understand but not so close it'd hurt in case anything happened. ['Anything like this', he doesn't say.]
[He's trying to take his time. Time to really, really think about all of this instead of his kneejerk response answers. He adores Casey, thinks he's cool as hell. But he's also still new, and that history isn't quite there yet. Give it time, but for right now? That's what he has.]
[He'll take it, whatever Leo is willing to offer. It's plenty.
Casey looks down at their hands briefly, then back to Leo's face. He looks miserable, and it's a strange sight to see, but he knows it's a good thing. He's not hiding it. Or maybe right now he can't anymore.]
You didn't hurt me. [And he means it; he'd cried for Leo, not because of anything he'd done.] How do you feel?
[He sure doesn't feel like he's done a very good job, but it doesn't... sound sarcastic, so he's hoping it helped a little.]
...I'm glad you opened up. I know you'd rather, um. Protect us. [And himself, he suspects, but for all his selfish bravado and confidence, Leo thinks a great deal about those around him, far more than he lets on. And he ends up suffering for it.] Sensei never let me help him like this. Thank you... for trusting me. If you ever need to talk about stuff, I promise I'll listen.
Seriously, um. [He rubs at the back of his neck, back of his head. It's a little nervous and he hopes Casey doesn't change his dynamic too much because of this. (Hypocrite. He knows he's a hypocrite, he did the same thing to Peter after finding out Peter died.)]
[Feels weird to say 'you're welcome' to that for some reason. This wasn't an act of service, it was... well, it was something. Something else. But he won't pry further, as this was already a lot. Leo wanted to clear his head, so...
Casey shifts back a bit and pushes himself to his feet, offering his hand out to help Leo up if he wants. There's a small smile on his face, some worry lingering, but hopeful that something good will come of this.]
You want to head back? Or go for round 2.
[Either answer would be perfectly understandable, after what just happened.]
[Casey smiles again, warmer this time, and he doesn't let go until Leo does. If Leo was worried about a changed dynamic between them, all signs point to the contrary so far.]
That's true. I haven't gotten to kick your butt yet.
[He shifts back into a fighting stance, rocking on his heels for a few seconds to shake the stiffness from his legs after kneeling for their talk, and lunges in to take the first strike this time. He'll be sure to give Leo a run for his money- and hopefully a good tussle will take both of their minds off of everything.]
[Casey's ready for Leo to be wiley, dropping down from his initial lunge and twisting himself around, trying to catch Leo's bouncing feet with a leg sweep from the side.]
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[Did it help? This is hard. He knows so many of Leo's tells, but the context makes it harder to navigate. Sensei never broke down and shared his traumas. They'd shattered and cried together, when Raph died, when Uncle Tello died, when Raph died again. The three of them, together with Master Michelangelo. But this wasn't it. He doesn't have this cheat sheet. He is at once unqualified and one of the most qualified. It's a little infuriating.
He wants to help so badly, the hard part is getting Leo to accept it. It doesn't... feel like enough.]
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[He needs to pull it together.]
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You can if you want. I don't think it's what you need, though.
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Doing it his way nearly got them all killed. Doing it his way caused so much death and pain.
Leo thinks back to the rooftop, how brighter everything seemed in that moment of epiphany he'd had.]
Okay... [He starts it unsure. Like he isn't sure he's doing the right thing, but wants to try.] Then... what do you think?
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What does he think. That is a darn good question. He feels so far out of his league, a flag drifting wildly through an storm with no visible beginning or end. He doesn't feel equipped for this, but no amount of doubts could drag him from Leo's side right now. If they stop now to find someone else more capable, he's not sure when (or if) Leo could be coaxed to open up again. Especially if this has taken a year already.
Rather than answering directly, he holds both of his hands out to Leo, palms up, an invitation and a request, both.]
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You... wanna dance? [He has no idea really. So smart and yet. Still, Leo rests his hands in Casey's for now, not sure what to expect.]
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His fingers curl around Leo's, and he closes his eyes, thinking. Thinking what.]
...You know... in the future, Master Michelangelo became a real philosopher. Sensei would go to Raph for strategy, he'd go to Donnie for making the plan happen, and he went to Mikey to make peace with his decisions. They'd sit like this, talk, and breathe together. And Master Michelangelo would remind him it was worth it. He was the only one that sensei could sit still for.
[He opens his eyes, brows furrowed, and focuses on Leo.]
We both know you're going to keep missing them. Until they're here or you're home, that's how it is. And nothing can undo what happened, not even time travel. [His continued existence alone proves that.] I think... you need to make peace with your decisions.
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And he does listen. And all of that makes sense. Especially knowing that... probably they all started falling one by one. Casey had said Master Michelangelo had sent Casey back in time, which meant Michelangelo was last man standing besides Leonardo. His future self probably sat with Michelangelo a lot in those last ...months? Years? He doesn't know. He's not going to ask Casey those kinds of details. His heart aches enough.
Leo stares down at their hands held between them.]
Yeah. You're probably right. [But how does a sixteen- No. Seventeen. He'd been away from home long enough to pass his birthday. How had they missed that? - year old make peace with a childish mistake costing thousands their lives?] How would I even start?
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This is the start. [To share it. To speak it aloud. He's no counsellor or philosopher but he knows that much. He's felt it, the peace that settled over him after sharing his secret with Rue weeks ago.] Why did you ask me here?
[That's the part that confused him. He wants to know Leo's thoughts on their purpose here- it's an aspect of the starting place. It feels important.]
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...I wanted someone familiar enough to understand but not so close it'd hurt in case anything happened. ['Anything like this', he doesn't say.]
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Hurt you, or them? [Him, technically. Since it was him here and now. But the specifics of it doesn't actually matter.]
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...I don't know. Yes? Both?
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Casey looks down at their hands briefly, then back to Leo's face. He looks miserable, and it's a strange sight to see, but he knows it's a good thing. He's not hiding it. Or maybe right now he can't anymore.]
You didn't hurt me. [And he means it; he'd cried for Leo, not because of anything he'd done.] How do you feel?
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... I don't know. Tired.
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[That could mean a lot of things, he knows, and his voice is quietly coaxing. Tired of what?]
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Which is kinda what I wanted coming out here. So good job.
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...I'm glad you opened up. I know you'd rather, um. Protect us. [And himself, he suspects, but for all his selfish bravado and confidence, Leo thinks a great deal about those around him, far more than he lets on. And he ends up suffering for it.] Sensei never let me help him like this. Thank you... for trusting me. If you ever need to talk about stuff, I promise I'll listen.
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Seriously, um. [He rubs at the back of his neck, back of his head. It's a little nervous and he hopes Casey doesn't change his dynamic too much because of this. (Hypocrite. He knows he's a hypocrite, he did the same thing to Peter after finding out Peter died.)]
Thanks.
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[Feels weird to say 'you're welcome' to that for some reason. This wasn't an act of service, it was... well, it was something. Something else. But he won't pry further, as this was already a lot. Leo wanted to clear his head, so...
Casey shifts back a bit and pushes himself to his feet, offering his hand out to help Leo up if he wants. There's a small smile on his face, some worry lingering, but hopeful that something good will come of this.]
You want to head back? Or go for round 2.
[Either answer would be perfectly understandable, after what just happened.]
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I mean, gotta be round two, we barely finished round one.
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That's true. I haven't gotten to kick your butt yet.
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[He shifts back into a fighting stance, rocking on his heels for a few seconds to shake the stiffness from his legs after kneeling for their talk, and lunges in to take the first strike this time. He'll be sure to give Leo a run for his money- and hopefully a good tussle will take both of their minds off of everything.]
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He takes step to one side, letting Casey lunge forward into empty air and laughs a little. Oh this'll be good.]
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